Friday April 12, 2013. Reflections on Boot Camp
I get up at 5 o’clock in the morning and go to a park in the city. It has been cold, rainy, humid, and pollen drenched. That I have dragged my carcass out of the house eight times in two weeks is a miracle. I’m normally up at 5 a.m, but 5 a.m. is my writing time. Now I’m using that time to sweat.
I get up at 5 o’clock in the morning and go to a park in the city. It has been cold, rainy, humid, and pollen drenched. That I have dragged my carcass out of the house eight times in two weeks is a miracle. I’m normally up at 5 a.m, but 5 a.m. is my writing time. Now I’m using that time to sweat.
It’s an experiment. I will tell you my hypothesis another
day, but here are my observations so far:
1)
Fitness
is a religion. You either drink the cool-aid or you don’t. Let’s be real,
I’m drinking the Crystal Light. To all my boot camp, CrossFit, FitWit, Zumba, and
other fitness friends: I send you an Irish blessing. May the road rise up to meet you. May the wind always be at your back
and all that jazz. Thank you for keeping the spirit alive.
2)
I love 5
a.m. I really do. It is dark, beautiful, and deep. At 5 a.m. I am reminded
that I have miles to go before I sleep.
3)
Burpee is
my new favorite word. It is both the word “burp” and the word “pee”
together. I’m going to marry burpees. I looked up the origin of the word, and
it’s named after a person. I really thought it was because after doing 10 burpees
all you want to do is burp and pee. I stand corrected.
4)
We are
not all winners. I am here to tell you, it is okay to be last. I am ninja-good
at an awful lot of things, so it is hard to take a risk on an activity where
you might fail or be last. Let me be clear. I am always last and least at boot
camp. If more people felt okay with being last, more people would stick with
boot camp.
5)
When they
tell you “good job” at boot camp it means you are last. They do not say
good job to the fast people. Those people already know they are good. The good
part means that you haven’t quit.
6) I don’t take orders well. When they say
run, we run. Part of me wants to put on my leather jacket and stand against the
wall with the other rebels. You can’t
make me get healthier, faster, or stronger! Oh, wait. I paid to be here with my
face in the grass at 6:17 a.m. When you say run, I’ll run. Slowly.
7)
My brain
is busy. I lack focus during boot camp. I pause and look at squirrels. I
try to plot my novel while I exercise. This is not going well. My characters
will likely start doing a lot of exercise to pick up the pace. (Writing and
fitness pun brought on by muscle fatigue. FTW!)
8)
Boot camp
is hysterically funny to me. One morning we did prison squats. Huh? They do
different squats in prison? Based on my calculations you should do no squats in
prison ever, but that’s another story. On Friday, we had to do 100 regular
squats. Well guess what? I did some prison squats just for the heck of it.
9)
Did I say heck? I meant F&@% of it. I don’t
curse, but working out makes me want to
curse. A lot. When I’m at the back of the group (I run a slow and painful
12 minute mile. I actually walk faster than I run), I think many curse words.
It is liberating. I think, “I hate all you F&@%ers. I wish you would punch
yourself in the face. I hope the zombies eat your brains.” Animosity really
improves my endurance.
10)
Animosity
is frowned upon during boot camp. As is humor. I should clarify further
that my kind of humor with is frowned upon, but there are many funny characters
at boot camp.
11)
My dear friend Sally runs a lot. Sally is my
running inspiration. She will be disappointed to know that there are no booty smacks in boot camp. There are
high-fives and elbow-bumps. I promise you I never saw an elbow-bump in my life
until last week. Sally, there are only booty smacks in fiction writing.
12)
I feel
like a winner even if I’m last. I feel like Rocky! Did you see Rocky?
Spoiler alert. Things did not end well for him in the first movie. But he
earned some Oscars. All the movies where Rocky won? Zilch. Me, in last place,
feeling like a f&@%ing Oscar winner.
13)
I give
thanks every day. To Andy for inviting me to boot camp even though he knows I’m a grouchy mother of four little kids who is likely to write about the trials and triumphs of boot camp.
To Mandy who said she’d go to boot camp with me, and I signed up because of her
encouragement (and the Zombie Run).
To Boot Camp 4a Cause and
this month’s cause, Girls on the Run Atlanta.
They think fitness matters. And it does. To What’s-His-Name and the four Monsters
who make a big production of how I smell after boot camp each morning. Like
roses, people. I smell like roses.
By 7 a.m. I’m heading home. I do lament the words I could
have written, but I know that exercise improves my writing, my focus at work,
possibly my mothering. The sun comes up, and I can’t quite remember the faces
of the people in the boot camp. They are strange silhouettes from the dawn
hours. The workout seems like a dream. That’s why I keep going back. A burpee,
elbow-bump, prison squat dream. Don’t wake me.
April 15, 2013 P.S. One of my fitness goals is to run a race one day. Something small like a 3K or 5K. Maybe I will want to run something longer one day. Do not let evil in the world put fear in your hearts or running shoes. We have enough excuses for lethargy without fear being among them.
